004: How to be Less Overwhelmed and More Fruitful

Today, I would like to address a topic which most of us will likely be faced with at some point in life: overwhelm. Often coupled with anxiety it severely affects our ability to function efficiently. For those of us who thrives on getting things done, or who are simply under pressure to fit an impossible multitude of to-do’s in a day, overwhelm and anxiety leave you with a sense that you simply don’t have what it takes - you are just not enough. It is paralysing and disempowering. But there is hope and in today’s episode, we are going to turn the tables on the dreaded overwhelm by looking at it for what it really is and finding the underlying causes and triggers. Together, we are going to evaluate your life honestly and then talk about practical solutions to help you plan your life so that you are the master of the schedule that you create, not the other way around. Wouldn’t you love to go to bed each night with a sense of peace and joy, knowing that you have made the very best use of your time, instead of lying awake anxiously, haunted by what you failed to accomplish. 

So, overwhelm. Let’s hear it ladies, which category best describes you. Is it a rare occurrence or are you just surviving in a constant life of crazy? Are you:

1. … a mum, trying to keep head above water in a busy household schedule without losing your mind. You’ve  even given up on finding a few spare moments for yourself. Or
2. …  an entrepreneur slightly overwhelmed by the sheer magnificence of how many layers of building a business there actually is, and let’s not even talk about keeping up family relationships or friendships. Or
3. … are you in the early years of starting out with studies and  a future career, feeling the lonely burden of finding your place in a world of possibilities, responsibilities and choices.

The list can go on as I reflect about the lives of friends and clients. You fill in your unique scenario which leads you to feel submerged - even if it is with good things.  You may be loving the excitement of a season, but struggling to manage it all. A new addition to your family or a new business is maybe something that you have been hoping and planning for. Or perhaps you are caught up in the cycle of have-to-do responsibilities and unable to do the things you really would like to accomplish. When someone asks you how you are, you say: “Fine, just….so busy.” How can we find more hours in the day? With this podcast, I hope to help lift you out of the fog. Sometimes, we just need a new perspective, to bring some clarity and move forward with a plan. 

The good side of anxiety and how you can use it to your advantage

Do you know that experiencing anxiety is entirely normal? In fact, it may even be a good thing. It is your body’s way of sending an alarm for you to address a deeper issue. If your life is busy, but you are at peace and not overwhelmed - then you would not be listening to this. You are listening because you are busy and frazzled.  You have received that warning signal which alerts you that something needs to change before it is too late. Now is time to start making those changes.  Anxiety serves only as an alert, usually triggered by busyness and an over full schedule. When ignored, it will affect your health and your relationships and definitely your productivity. Doing more - does not mean that you are getting more done. Inability to sleep, heightened emotions, such as anger and irritability, depression and heart disease have all been linked to anxiety. Be attentive, you may at first only notice the consequences such as emotional numbness or disconnect from your spouse, resentment towards your children or lack of joy, but these are mere signals which should lead to a turning point. 

Turning point moments

There has been a few  turning point moments in my life where I realised that change needs to happen. I share this with you so that you will know that, if you are a hard working person who tends to have a full calendar,  it is normal to reach limits. You’ll probably have a number of alerts in your lifetime which require assessments, but trust me,  it gets easier, when you realise how to recognise the signs. I thrive on productive busyness - but there was a recent season where I felt constantly overwhelmed. The worst thing was that I was doing things that would usually give me joy - but instead, I just felt burned out and fatigued. No joy. I should have recognised the signs earlier, but I told myself that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. But my reality looked something like this: Constantly losing my phone or my keys and hours spent looking for things, because I was so preoccupied that I did not follow the systems that I put into place. I would find the opened milk in the grocery cupboard and the protein powder in the fridge. During one busy week, I rushed to an appointment, so distracted that I continually caught myself driving over the speed limit and I did the unthinkable - I responded to text messages and emails at the stop signs. I was late as usual. That morning after my appointments, I returned to my car - and couldn’t find my car keys. I retraced my steps frantically, realising I am now late for my next appointment, only to return to my car and find that I left the car unlocked with the key in the ignition, laptop and gym bag on the passenger seat for anyone to help themselves. But the most heartbreaking was when my son wrapped his arms around me one evening -  trying to keep me from my computer - saying mama, you are always busy and I don’t think you have time for me anymore. Woaw, now that hit a nerve. I deliberately decided to work from home to be near my son and now… I may as well be somewhere else. Perhaps my case is extreme, but does any of this seem familiar to you? 

 Three questions to reflect on, to help you gain perspective and help you choose the activities that fill your calendar.

1. When you are in your seventies, what would you like your life to look like? What is your vision for those golden years?
2. Why do you do what you do? What is motivating or driving you?
3. Does your current daily schedule, reflect the appropriate investment in the things that would help you accomplish number 1? 

I will elaborate. For the first question, our details may differ, but I am sure that most of us will say something like:  when I am older, I would like to enjoy good health, surrounded by loved ones and be financially secure. Now darlings, think a little - you can’t exactly enjoy your loved ones or your riches when you are dead or there is nothing left of you, now can you? 

Secondly, what is the motivation behind the activities that make up or drive your life? No, I am not asking if you enjoy what you do - because most of us, may even enjoy the challenge of managing busy lives. No, I am asking WHY?  Could it be that the kids schedules are jam packed because you never had those opportunities and you have perhaps gone slightly overboard?  Could it be that you have fallen for the lie that your identity is wrapped up in success or a new qualification? Could it be that you strive to achieve to obtain affirmation? Could it be that you’ve succumbed to the pressure of comparison, feeling somehow inadequate and working hard to try to live up to what you believe to be the standard of our day. Think about your why and if some of the things on your list is to attempt to fill a void or heal a hurt. Think about whether your busyness is perhaps a way to prove yourself or even run away from truly thinking and feeling deeply. If this is the case my friend, the bandaid of busy is a temporary solution and we have some deeper work to do. 

Thirdly, does your schedule reflect your values and ultimate vision for your life? Friends, it is what you do on a daily basis consistently which will largely determine what the outcome of your life will be. Most plants won’t survive if you don’t water them regularly and give them the appropriate environment to thrive - ask me, I am an expert plant killer. More important than plants is you, your health and the relationships that you have been entrusted with. If your time mis-invested - you will only reap where you sow. Oh and don’t deceive yourself by thinking - if I can just get past this week, I will workout, spend time with the kids, go to bed on time. Next week never comes. 

Friends, this is serious. We brag about the fact that we are workaholics like it is a virtue, but it is fact killing you and your loved ones softly. A negatively rushed life leads to a host of sometimes silent physical symptoms with negative effects on long term health. The thing is, that we get so used to being in this condition that when we finally make time to relax, we are distracted, not present in the moment and physically unable to unwind. At this point, it is tempting to turn to methods of escapism which could look like  over eating, mindless social media scrolling or frequent alcohol use.  

Time for Change:

Now, I hope you can see that anxiety and overwhelm are not your actual problems. They are merely the warning signs to alert you that it is time for a change. If you realise that this needs to be a turning point, then let’s start your life assessment and don’t tell me that you don’t have time. This is you - taking back your life. While doing this life assessment, remember that there is no condemnation or judgment. It is healthy to take full ownership of what may have gone wrong while at the same time giving yourself credit for what has gone right and then making a commitment to work towards positive, healthy changes. You will need commitment and perseverance and if this frightens you, read and be motivated by the answer in question number one: the vision that you have for your life.  Here is our action plan outline:

1. Be honest

Assess your schedule by looking back at your calendar and tracking your time. If you already have a calendar or a time planning system, you would already have a base to work with. But sit and write down what your schedule looks like over about a month, a week and a day. You need to know almost exactly what fills your hours. Even evenings and weekends. How much time are you driving around, shopping, working, watching TV or spending on scrolling. Be honest as you summarise your schedule and ask yourself if you like what you see. Honestly reflect on what is truly essential, where are you wasting time and what are doing too much or too little of? 

2. Be realistic

Though I am an enthusiast and I believe as women, we are capable of the extraordinary, I believe that many of us have fallen prey to the lie that we can do anything and everything. None of us like to hear that we have limits, and while I believe we should live at 100 % capacity, I think we need to understand that we  do actually have limits and we need to know where our boundaries lie. If you had to write everything down that you would like to do in your daily and monthly planner hour by hour with a realistic assessment of how long this takes - you may be surprised, perhaps a little discouraged to find out that you are in fact… human. And the everything we want to do, simply do not fit. Furthermore, there is consequences for what we choose to accomplish and there is a price to pay. Consider if your reality truly allow for your current level of ambition and who will pay the cost? Perhaps it will take a little longer to build that business or reach certain goals, but it will still happen. Recognise your season and your personal capacity - and create your schedule wisely accordingly, considering the cost. Remember that your schedule on a daily basis need to broadly reflect elements of: rest, refuelling, relationships and responsibilities.

3. Be ruthless

Now while you are looking at your reality, the fun part begins: the ruthless elimination of non-essentials and time wasters. Remember when I asked you to reflect on your why? Why you are spending time on what you do? Now is the time to eliminate anything from your schedule that you are doing for the wrong reasons. Perhaps this is not the time to set another goal or add another activity. Perhaps you have realised that you have spent an unbalanced amount of time and money on a particular project - and you need to have a more realistic long term approach or maybe you have completely over-scheduled your child’s activities. Maybe your affair with your crowded schedule has left no room for your spouse. This is your moment to start afresh and be ruthless,  remove anything that does not align with your values and build into your ultimate vision for your life.

4. Be hopeful

Precious friend, I would like to see you live light and free and I would like to give you permission to BE. You have permission to rest, you have permission to take a day off. Someone once said that we have to remember that we are a human being, not a human doing. In fact, if you don’t schedule time in for rest, refuelling and relationships they are unlikely to ever happen. You may take a bit longer to reach goals, but you need to be directed by that long term vision. Put daily practices in place which will nourish and motivate you and help you progress in health, relationships and your personal and family goals. A big part of being a fulfilled human being is being a part of a community, serving, sharing with and loving others. This vital part of being is one of the first areas that suffers, when we run on empty and end up with nothing more to give.

5. Be vulnerable

Realise that you need people. Realise that you may need to say “no” sometimes and you likely need to ask for help and or delegate. This is one of my weakest points. I always end up taking on too much and afraid to ask for help. For me asking for help,  now starts first thing in the morning with a time of meditation and devotion. As a person of faith, I draw strength from my Creator who holds time in His hands, the One who has the power to protect my loved ones and truly grant me strength in my weakness and wisdom, energy and creativity from the Creator himself. Sometimes, you may need to actually ask the help of a friend or reach out to a coach or counsellor. Perhaps you need to get your groceries delivered or get a housekeeper from time to time. You are not weak, only human. 

6. Be prepared

In order to get to a place where you have less overwhelm and more room to move and room to breath, you need to prepare for it. While there is no exact formula, there is a process. Many of us have been living in the chaos of crazy for such a long time, that it will take time to dig yourself out from under it. You need to be organised and put systems into place and work steadily towards being in that spacious place. There are no shortcuts. Planning and preparation is key for the busy person and time well invested to free yourself up for the things that really matter. 

Ladies, this is not just about a pursuit of the mere feeling of happiness. If this was the case we could live off the rush, the dopamine highs - of busy schedules, achievement or social media likes. But we know this is not sustainable. The contrary is true, the anxiety and overwhelm we experience, reveal to us that we are sacrificing relationships and physical and mental health on the altar of busy. You are a friend, daughter and possibly a mum and wife with a sphere of influence, what legacy will you leave behind? Will we perpetuate this unsustainable pace of life in the lives of the next generation or will we teach them how to be truly present, making the most of each opportunity, valuing relationships, while being content and grateful for what we have right now? 

Here is a quick summary: Ask yourself the three perspective - giving questions about your life.

1. How do you envision enjoying the last years of your life? 
2. What is really motivating driving you to do what you do? Remember that true joy and fulfilment cannot be found from external sources, only intrinsically.
3. Will how you live now, help you accomplish number 1?

Now let’s take a look at the reality of your schedule and take some action. I’ve outlined six steps which you could use as a framework to start creating a life with breathing space. Firstly, you will need to honestly assess your schedule, be realistic about your priorities, your family situation, your limitations. Thirdly, perform a ruthless elimination of non - essentials, so that fourthly, with hope and enthusiasm, you could start mastering your schedule, making time for what is of true value. Fifthly, admit your vulnerabilities and get help. Bizarrely, vulnerability actually creates connection, so reach out as soon as possible. Finally, planning and preparation creates spacious places and this is where creativity and productivity thrives. 

So let’s take one day at a time, let’s curate our schedule as well as we curate our instagram feeds and start living life with less overwhelm and far more fruitfulness. 

Let me know how it is going ok? You will find me on instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/lifestyledesigneroninsta/ or on Facebook @thelifestyleemporiumtribe. You can also connect with me on, The Lifestyle Emporium website: www.thelifestyleemporium.ch which offers both learning experiences and personal mentorship or via email on, ellenmeyer@thelifestyleemporium.ch.

Until next time friends.